Fitness Doesn't Heal People

What I wish I knew before I started in fitness..

Me deadlifting 300 pounds, feeling cool.

I was pretty numb when I started in fitness as a personal trainer.

Lifting really heavy stuff and doing high intensity workouts was, dare I say, easy for me. I could barely feel anything so I didn’t feel the pain of working out like most people. I knew what the goal was (lift heavier, go harder) and I could accomplish it and I was rewarded for it.

People called me Amazon woman, I lifted heavier than Matt Damon, and most dudes at the gym couldn’t keep up with me. I was getting so much attention and not all of it was great. Some new clients would say things like I don’t want my arms to look like yours (too big? too muscular?). My mother commented on my breasts calling them “pancake boobs”. It was an interesting time to have so many people not only comment on my body but my workouts, and feel like they had the right to.

A few years later with no interest competing in body building or powerlifting. I didn’t really know what I wanted anymore. The reason I started training was to get a better understanding of it so I could be a better trainer for my clients (this was helpful!) The other thing that happened was it became another way for me to use my body to numb out and make it the pillar of my self worth (not super helpful). I was getting confused by compliments and criticisms and had trouble discerning the voice in my head that was mine from everyone else’s.

What I wished I had learned first was the thing I learned last - healthy boundaries. Creating healthy boundaries helped me realize how much of my self worth was wrapped up in how I looked - not just physically but how people perceived me - was I responsible enough?, working hard enough?, helpful enough?, strong enough? Some people are committed to me never being enough, and that’s okay - I realized I do not have to use them as a measure of my enoughness.

Sometimes people will try to give me a box of their sh*t (problems, insecurities, feelings, etc.) and they’ll even put my name on the box and say it’s mine. Creating healthy boundaries helped me become diligent about what I accept from others. Is this my sh*t or is it their sh*t? It also made me diligent about what I give to others and myself.

I learned that all I can do is clean up my own box of sh*t. I can’t force people to treat me differently based on my accomplishments or what my body looks like but I can choose what I accept. My fitness routine isn’t anyone’s business but mine and I don’t need to prove anything with it or the way my body looks. I can use it as a way to explore, grow, and treat my body with respect and kindness.

Fitness can be healing, of course it can, but it’s not healing without boundaries. If fitness is used as another way to numb out or gain approval or respect, it’s not addressing the real issues and then what would happen if you couldn’t work out anymore? Would you completely lose your sense of self worth because it was now wrapped up in mainstream fitness and how your body looks?

This is why creating healthy boundaries is an integral part of my work with people. I want to know what your values are and teach you how to exercise in a way that’s aligned with those values. How can you treat your body with your definition of kindness and respect while continuing to untangle your self worth from the unrealistic expectations society, friends, family, etc. put on your body?

The real healing begins when you realize you get to decide what fitness looks like for you and your body. AND it can even be fun. It really can!